Hedges advances, painting commissioned

Thursday, April 06, 2006


The Fuzzy Carrot Nipples today announced the commissioning of a painting by the great master Boris Krzydrewshuvshi, to commemorate Dan’s spectacular achievement in the 2006 Funniest Person In Austin Contest.

“Dan made it past the first round,” band member Matt Lupton said. “We’ll go ahead and count that as tacit admission that Dan is in fact the funniest person in Austin. Thus, the painting.”

“I make painting to show the conqueror Daniel who has the masculine chiseled features of person like ox,” said Krzydrewshuvshi from his studio in Hungary. “Is he not the barbarian of the comedy? I make woman lustfully gripping him, too.”

Dan’s portrait will be hung in the Hedges-Lupton for President Headquarters in Colorado Springs.

“The painting portrays Dan as he will be when we’re elected president next year,” said Lupton. “We’ll be wielding supreme power, with all the world listening to our mandates with baited breath. Plus we’ll wear loincloths the entirety of our term.”

“Gee, no one’s ever painted me as a conquering hero before,” said Hedges. “There’s been several paintings of me as a horse’s posterior and a few caricatures of me in dresses, but the barbarian thing sure is a nice change from those.”

“We look at it as yet another step toward our ultimate goal of total world domination,” said Lupton. “And now all the world can see that, when we do conquer all of humanity, we’ll also look super cool in our barbarian outfits.”