Fuzzy Carrot Nipples announce New Year's extravaganza

Friday, December 12, 2003

Matt 'n' Dan Press, COLORADO SPRINGS, COLO. - Local comedy sensation Fuzzy Carrot Nipples have announced their upcoming "Break Your New Year's Resolution" tour.

"The tour will begin with a show at 8:00 pm on January 2 at the Dead Ant Tavern in Colorado Springs, and end approximately two hours after that," said singer/rhythm guitarist Matt Lupton from a prepared statement.  "We anticipate the kind of crowd response that would make a cowbell turn green and yell 'Uncle'."

Lupton did not elaborate on why the bell would do such a thing.

The band has not been performing publicly since Memorial Day weekend, fueling rumors that they had split up, a charge that singer/lead kazooist Dan Hedges disputes.

"It has never even entered our minds to give up this band," said Hedges through a spokespuppet.  "Splitting up would rip a mortal hole in the very fabric of American society. We wouldn’t want to be responsible for that."

In fact, the duo has been feverishly working on new material during their time off, and fans are hoping the band will give them a taste of new songs.

"I think our fans will love hearing some of our classic stuff," said Lupton from the safety of his rubber room at the Home.  "But I wouldn't be surprised if we take this opportunity to spring some totally new songs on the audience.  If they’re nice to us."

The band will also be appearing on the KKFM Morning Show with Wild Bill, Mondo, and Sherry from 6-10 am on Friday, January 2.  Sources close to the band say they expect a huge announcement to be made during the program.

"I cannot divulge any information about what earth-shattering announcements we may or may not be planning," said Hedges, "but I can say that this particular radio appearance will be pivotal in our quest for world domination."