"Flawliss Execution Tour" begins

Wednesday, January 02, 2008


Fuzzy Carrot Nipples today announced a fresh new round of shows as part of their Flawliss Execution Tour, kicking off in Colorado Springs, and ending in Austin later this month.

"Ever since the stunning revelation that Britney Spears might be a bit of a bad mother, we could see the nation was in mourning," said band member Dan Hedges. "And we figure we're just the band to bring the nation back from the brink of mass suicide."

The band is looking to record some live shows for their next album, which they will release as soon as the labor camp in Guatemala gets the CDs pressed.

"We're working hard on this new CD, and we vow to leave no corner uncut," said band member Matt Lupton.  "Our fans appreciate that we're getting them the best possible price.  It also helps to know that it was hand-made by a loving child."

"When we're elected president in March or July or whenever that goes down, we'll make sure there aren't any more forced labor camps in Guatemahara or wherever," added Hedges. "But until we're in power, there's no sense in not getting few thousand CDs made on the cheap, you know?"

Lupton and Hedges have run unsuccessfully for the presidency three times between 2004 and today, garnering a grand total of two votes in the '04 election, which doesn't seem to hamper their optimism.

"Just imagine the final tally we could have had if me and Matty had actually been registered to vote," said Hedges. "You're talking a full 100% increase in votes right there.  And as you know, 100% means everybody."

The Nips are slated to play a private corporate gig on January 11th, and then a follow-up show at the Dead Ant in Colorado Springs on the 12th. From there, the band will play a variety of venues in Austin, Texas, culminating with ColdTowne Theater's "See. Hear. Speak. Festival."

"We've haven't played a festival since Woodstock in '99," said Hedges. "And after we incited that riot and the bonfires started up, the cops told us to stay away from impressionable hippies."