Nipples reunite; prepare for apocalypse

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Matt N’ Dan Press, AUSTIN, TX -

Comedy rock band "The Fuzzy Carrot Nipples" have come out of hiding. After disappearing for more than a year, they are apparently ready to resume their role as the "Administrative Assistants of Rock".

"we're back," said rhythm guitarist/vocalist Matt Lupton. "And by back, I mean ready to grovel and beg for attention."

"Like the problem child in an elementary school, we are about to deploy some attention-getting devices," added lead guitarist/vocalist Dan Hedges. "And if that doesn't work, we're going to cry like little babies."

The nipples are denying unequivocally that their yearlong hiatus had anything whatsoever to do with anticipating the upcoming 2012 apocalypse.

"Frankly, we wonder how these rumors get started," said Dan, snuggled comfortably inside of his cast-iron bathtub.

"Sure, we've been cornering the market on non-perishable food stuffs and toilet paper, but we were just following the advice of our ancient Mayan financial advisors."

The band has not been heard of since a freak accident at the "Flawliss Execution Tour" in Colorado Springs caused Matt to lose all feeling in his cuticles.

"He's made an incredible recovery," said Dan. "He's been very brave."

"Yeah. I've been very brave," echoed Matt.

The Nipples will be addressing the concerns of their fans and creditors in an exclusive interview with talk radio host Sean Rima today at 6:00 pm CST on Austin's 98.9 The Big Talker.

"We are gonna shock the comedy-rock world, and/or rock the comedy-shock world," said Matt, "whichever scores us more scratch."